After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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