Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
