Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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