Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
