my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
