I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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