I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
