if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
