Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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