When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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