I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk is not a location!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
