we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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