Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
