i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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