its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
