you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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