Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
