kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
