4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
