I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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