I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
