she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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