home. puking in laundry basket.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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