grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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