this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
True strength comes from lack of pants
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
