dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
