hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
whose parrot is this?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
