if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
