I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
