I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
