we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize