Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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