Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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