if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
