a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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