you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
