Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
