I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
