"it" just moved
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
