Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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