Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
