They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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