I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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