my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
