dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
