So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
