Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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