Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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