how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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