Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
