my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize