Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Randomize
