I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize