Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
