we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's get the cat blown out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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