Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
