Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I still have a little drunk in my system
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
