I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
