Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
