Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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