so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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