Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
