On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
