I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
