I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize