No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
