So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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